any change you may indulge me in a moment of intimacy? well - here is goes:
i've been frustrated the last two and some weeks. i've done a fairly great job of covering it, but now it is starting to affect/effect me. i'm tired, so tired, but sleep does not come easy. i am happy, but it is deeply within. i love, but the bearer of that love is distant.
so many things feel far away. this adds to my frustration. the cycle repeats itself.
i don't check out, because that's what usually gets me into trouble, but then again: what good is the alternative trouble i may get into if i am present?
*today i realized that i don't have my non home safe place to go to. the last time i had that was when i lived in haifa. it was mar or q's room; or mandy's living room; or that corner in resa's place.... just to remember that i had that and those were the last places i felt so safe outside of myself - well i miss those people even more now.
we all need a place outside of our own space to feel safe enough to sleep. i need to find that here in la. get out of this purgatory.
*i have a tender heart - just, there are days when i really wish it had thicker skin. days when i wish it'd be easier to get the jokes and move on. days when ... well, it doesn't matter, now does it?
*dear universe. i know cowboys exist, and i know mine does too. you're just not playing fair and we both know it.
good night dear readers - hope you last two and some weeks were awesome!, and let's hope that it gets better for all of us!!!
and with that, you are welcome:
i've been frustrated the last two and some weeks. i've done a fairly great job of covering it, but now it is starting to affect/effect me. i'm tired, so tired, but sleep does not come easy. i am happy, but it is deeply within. i love, but the bearer of that love is distant.
so many things feel far away. this adds to my frustration. the cycle repeats itself.
i don't check out, because that's what usually gets me into trouble, but then again: what good is the alternative trouble i may get into if i am present?
*today i realized that i don't have my non home safe place to go to. the last time i had that was when i lived in haifa. it was mar or q's room; or mandy's living room; or that corner in resa's place.... just to remember that i had that and those were the last places i felt so safe outside of myself - well i miss those people even more now.
we all need a place outside of our own space to feel safe enough to sleep. i need to find that here in la. get out of this purgatory.
*i have a tender heart - just, there are days when i really wish it had thicker skin. days when i wish it'd be easier to get the jokes and move on. days when ... well, it doesn't matter, now does it?
*dear universe. i know cowboys exist, and i know mine does too. you're just not playing fair and we both know it.
good night dear readers - hope you last two and some weeks were awesome!, and let's hope that it gets better for all of us!!!
and with that, you are welcome:
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