when i was young, i wanted to be an architect. after three and a half years of studying that, i changed my mind. the isolation got to me.
i took about a year off of school, studied english lit for a year, and then someone introduced me to city planning. i liked it. in one of my first intro classes we learned about cognitive mapping - that's when i fell in love.
place in terms of more than lines and demarcations. here now was a new way to translate the word - in terms that i more readily could understand. in that moment i found a home, a community of advocates and do gooders, politicians and ... a future. i loved the field so much that i got my MS in it as well. i really believe that it is a noble profession and holds immense value... i miss doing it.
when i started acting, i found another community i felt at home with. not to say that i do not feel at home at home, just that i find so much of my ability to communicate lost in translation(s).
very often i feel as though the world around me is speaking a language i didn't quite learn, like i am a foriegner speaking a language i understand maybe a third of and hence i find myself trying harder to fit in. belong. (i'm not a loner by any means, but again - not sure if what i am sharing makes sense) i tried to share this sensation with a friend tonight and fell short. in that moment i realized: it's okay. just breathe. just be. in being, maybe i will be understood and understand.
there are no maps to hearts, no real ways in or out. just a silent interchange. whether you believe in forever or not, whether you believe in constancy, consistency or longevity or not... i believe. turns out, i believe. my hope is: that will be enough. my hope is: i will be enough.
i took about a year off of school, studied english lit for a year, and then someone introduced me to city planning. i liked it. in one of my first intro classes we learned about cognitive mapping - that's when i fell in love.
place in terms of more than lines and demarcations. here now was a new way to translate the word - in terms that i more readily could understand. in that moment i found a home, a community of advocates and do gooders, politicians and ... a future. i loved the field so much that i got my MS in it as well. i really believe that it is a noble profession and holds immense value... i miss doing it.
when i started acting, i found another community i felt at home with. not to say that i do not feel at home at home, just that i find so much of my ability to communicate lost in translation(s).
very often i feel as though the world around me is speaking a language i didn't quite learn, like i am a foriegner speaking a language i understand maybe a third of and hence i find myself trying harder to fit in. belong. (i'm not a loner by any means, but again - not sure if what i am sharing makes sense) i tried to share this sensation with a friend tonight and fell short. in that moment i realized: it's okay. just breathe. just be. in being, maybe i will be understood and understand.
there are no maps to hearts, no real ways in or out. just a silent interchange. whether you believe in forever or not, whether you believe in constancy, consistency or longevity or not... i believe. turns out, i believe. my hope is: that will be enough. my hope is: i will be enough.
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