Tuesday, February 18, 2014

02.19.2014

"you know - i really wonder sometimes if i am just not cut out for this world.  i mean - i love it, and have immense moments of happiness, but most of the time i feel like i'm just stumbling through a forest of people and i have no compass.

not being emo - just reflecting on my lack of understanding people.  myself.  life.

all the stuff of the making of a good writer and movie maker i suppose."

Tuesday, October 29, 2013

10.29.2013

“One day, he’s going to know. He’ll know your birthday, your middle name, where you were born, your star sign, and your parents names. He’ll know how old you were when you learned to ride a bike, how your grandparents passed away, how many pets you had, and how much you hated going to school. He’ll know your eye colour, your scars, your freckles, your laugh lines and your birth marks. He’ll know your favourite book, movie, candy, food, pair of shoes, colour, and song. He’s going to know why you’re awake at 5am most nights, where you were when you realised you’d lost a good friend, why you picked up the razor and how you managed to put it down before things went too far. He’s going to know your phobias, your dreams, your fears, your wishes, and your worries. He’s going to know about your first heartbreak, your dream wedding, and your problems with your parents. He’ll know your strengths, weaknesses, laziness, energy, and your mixed emotions. He’s going to know about your love for mayonnaise, your dream of being famous when you were five, your need to quote any film you know all the way through, and your fear of growing older. He’ll know your bad habits, your mannerisms, your stroppy pout, your facial expressions, and your laugh like it’s his favourite song. The way you chew, drink, walk, sleep, fidget and kiss. He’s going to know that you’ve already picked out wedding flowers, baby names, tiles for the bathroom, bridesmaid dresses, and the colour of your bedroom walls. He’s going to know, get annoyed at and then accept that you leave clothes everywhere, take twenty minutes to order a Starbucks, have to organise your DVD’s alphabetically, and check your horoscope… just incase. He’ll know your McDonald’s order, how many sugars to put in your tea, how many scoops of ice cream you want, and that you need your sandwiches cut into triangles. He’s going to know how you feel without you telling him, that you need a wee from a look on your face, and that you’re crying without shedding tears. He’s going to know all of it. Everything. You, from top to bottom and inside out. From learning, from sharing, from listening, from watching. He’s going to know every single thing there is to know, and you know what else? He is still going to love you.”
Anson (via theperkofbeinginfinite)

Tuesday, September 17, 2013

09.16.13

how do we repair ourselves?  is there a way?
i want to move to London - my mind already has, leaving behind a void (or maybe that's my missing heart).
i want to be in love with him, but he lives in Paris so that kind-of means he's in love with every woman...  maybe he sees me in them?
   so - let it be settled:  i want to be settled.
(maybe i wasn't cut out for happiness the way everyone else seems to be)

Wednesday, September 11, 2013

09.11.13

“two people who were once very close can
without blame
or grand betrayal
become strangers.
perhaps this is the saddest thing in the world.” 
― Warsan Shire

somehow - this reminds me of serval things and people.

i am in a new place, with new dynamics, but constantly reminded of a past life...

i wonder about how we got here?  did we just start mid conversation and picked up where we left off in some other life?  because, i never knew about your pain or soreness - and i know you knew nothing of mine.  i just know that i was drawn to a strength and peace you seemed to so effortless offer (and some will tell me - maybe even you - that it was projected, but i don't believe that to be true).  it took some time for us to actually open to know each other.  maybe i just move slowly.  i know i did with him and lost so much time.  "boundaries" they tell me.  what does that mean?  we lose time and hearts to time and boundaries...  maybe it was easy with him because he and i picked up mid-conversation too.  maybe the language barrier allowed us to communicate more honestly with the words we knew.

maybe.

  

Tuesday, August 20, 2013

08.21.13

Virgo Horoscope for week of August 22, 2013
Verticle Oracle cardVirgo (August 23-September 22)
Novelist James Joyce once articulated an extreme wish that other writers have probably felt but never actually said. "The demand that I make of my reader," said Joyce, "is that he should devote his whole life to reading my works." Was he being mischievous? Maybe. But he never apologized or issued a retraction. Your assignment, Virgo, is to conjure up your own version of that wild desire: a clear statement of exactly what you really, really want in all of its extravagant glory. I think it'll be healthy for you to identify this pure and naked longing. (P.S. I'm not implying that you should immediately try to get it fulfilled, though. For now, the important thing is knowing what it is.) 






Maybe it is time for all of us to ask what we want, live our lives fully and honorable and prepare ourselves for the bestowals of the universe.