03.06.2014

i spent some time with a friend today.  she has experienced heart break and betrayal.  she has faced it boldly and openly.  to say i am proud of her is strange - she is living up to the light in her, so to expect less would be the strange thing.

after we talked, i got to reflecting.  i tend to try so hard, until i can't try/do anymore.  well - i used to.  now - i'm not so sure.

as another friend pointed out to me a few weeks ago (paraphrased):
friend:  you bounce back faster.  like, way faster.
me:  that's a good thing?
friend:  yeah.
me:  okay.
*silent beat*
me:  most of the time i just don't know.
friend:  about what?
me:  everything...  people...  everything.

so, i suppose, the thing is this:  i don't want to fight for people, i don't want people to fight for me - i want peace.  i want ease.  i want challenge but not out right difficulty.  i want to expect and have things expected of me....  i want to trust.  i want to be trusted.

me:  i think i was born in the wrong era.
friend:  no you weren't.  you just have to find a way to understand that people don't all love the same.
me:  so what do i do?
friend:  keep loving, but you don't have to do anymore than you have.
me:  but...
friend:  love from a distance.  pray, meditate, send all of your love over...  just not yourself.
me:  oh...

so.  i am sending all of my love over (and possibly a bit of myself).  do you feel it?