02.27.13

"We are afraid to care too much, for fear that the other person does not care at all."
Eleanor Roosevelt


On a flight, recently, I fell asleep.  I had a pleasant dream, that quickly turned into something else.  My sincere apologizes to the lady seated next to me (6B) on flight 5 of Alaska Airlines - for I woke up startled and tried my best to recover quickly.

What I find fascinating about dreams is how deeply we are allowed to reveal ourself to ourself, if we are open to in.  In this dream I realized something about myself:  I have come a long way, I have clean house pretty impressively, and I have placed some heavy locks on the door of that home.  I have not yet decided if this a good thing or not - in the dream it was not.  Maybe it was a question being asked?  Maybe showing the outcome of not being more vulnerable to the universe?

Either way - what I choose to focus on is finding the courage to care, and then care more.  I am terrified, but what is life without a little risk?

02.24.13

"The life of the dead is placed in the memory of the living."
Marcus Tullius Cicero

The fine line between life and death is startlingly thin.  Our misunderstanding of time remarkably deep. Our misuse of relationships terribly sad; and our unknowing of ourselves leaves us all naked.

To love in a life this challenging, and to leave a legacy of love, is my deepest hope.  One of my greatest fears, to not know such a love in my own life, but hope allows me to temper this fear so that I may continue in this path.  To grow.  To always hold true to this conviction that I have made and live within the integrity I wear.

To leave a mark, not out of ego - to be touched, not out of loneliness - to touch, to let people know they are not alone - to rid myself of ego, so to wash away the marks bruising this world...

02.14.13

"I do tend to like people who have a strong sense of self, because, I find that it's almost impossible to really love or relate to someone else if you can't first love and relate to yourself."  Ezra Miller

I like strong characters (not to be confused with opinionated, condescending or mean people), and for this reason this quote resonates.  It reminds me that it is okay to be myself and not fit into a societal model or someone else's expectations; and, if I am fortunate, I will be blessed with people who are accepting of me, because they are accepting of themselves.  Call yourself conservative, liberal, religious, spiritual, blah blah blah - but if you are not accepting, then there is a degree of fear within you (and to a degree that is totally healthy).  

For me, in this moment, I am wanting to provide that strength to those around me.  I will love, provide it in the forms that I know how and learn new ways... life is too short to get hung up on the illusions we create or that are shoved onto us.  Find happiness - and relate more.

02.09.13

‎"I have always thought the actions of men the best interpreters of their thoughts." - John Locke

Is it enough to think of love, think with love?  It is enough to think about someone you love?  In an age where we behave as though the structure of time and effort and energies and responsibilities have changed. I really can not help but to wonder:  Has time changed, or is it our appreciation of relationships and social responsibility?  So...  how is this for a challenge:  find ways to manage our time, cut out the fat, and make time for the important things and do.  Stop thinking and start doing.

02.07.13

"When I say, 'I love you,' it's not because I want you or because I can't have you.  It has nothing to do with me.  I love what you are, what you do, how you try.  I've seen you kindness and your strength.  I've seen the best and the worst of you.  And I understand with perfect clarity exactly what you are.  You're a hell of a [person]"  -  Joss Whedon (Spike to Buffy)

There are only a few people I could fairly share that quote with, and I sincerely count that as a blessing.  Last night I got an epic text - whose subtext was simple:  I love you, I miss you...why are we so far apart.

To love for the sake of loving - what a wonderful thing.  To love without expectation, to give off freely the light of love knowing that it will never run out...  that is the kind of love I want to embody and give to those around me.  (and to one day have found that man in whose eyes those sentiments will be felt, even if the words can not surface through my lips)

02.04.13

O SON OF BEING! Love Me, that I may love thee. If thou lovest Me not, My love can in no wise reach thee. Know this, O servant.  ~  Baha'u'llah

Love is.  Love is strength and courage and hope and ....  the fuel of life.  It is simple and complex in one breath.  It opens doors and terrifies us to open more, and the ever present paradox:  give more of it and your heart will grow in capacity, and the more you fill it with love fear will have to find a new home.

...  I pause for now; just wanted to share this thought mid-blessing-counting.