Even a happy life cannot be without a measure of darkness, and the word happy would lose its meaning if it were not balanced by sadness. It is far better take things as they come along with patience and equanimity.
Carl Jung
I could pretend that my life is super great and perfect - but, I would be pretending. My life is... complex (so many details that are not clear to me) and simple (not easy, but simple). It is also my life. I own it. Even though sometimes I feel as though my heart has lept out of my chest and I am alone wandering for it...my own version of Layli and Majnun - in search of a deeper faith than already exists, one that burns me away (maybe that is why I have such a love and appreciation for moths).
My life is happy. I am happy. It is a deep flowing river that saves me and washes me, and at times drowns the parts of me that need to be washed away...
(Paraphrased)
Her: You are not dark.
Me: No, I know. But, I am attracted to it... like I can't fully let go of the parts of me that are.
Her: You are not dark... you are not dark.
Me: Maybe. But, then, why him? Why did I love him, and then ...
Her: You are growing and before it got too dangerous, you let him go. You let it go because you saw it, and it didn't consume you.
(I see it in her eyes... a profound personal and universal love, affection and stunning care. I can't say that this is why I love her...I don't think I have a choice in the matter anymore. She is family (above and beyond the meaning of family), she is friend (among the truest I have ever witnessed), she is a breath when I haven't breathed, she knows why my hand goes to my chest for affirmation (I never had to tell her why - she knows), she is some one I would (without thought) dive into hell for to save (not that I would need to).
Me: Yeah, maybe.
Her: You're stronger than you think.
Me: Only because I have to be.
Her: This time it was for you. That means more than you know.
Patience and equanimity... yes. I want that. I want many things, but let's start with that, now.
Carl Jung
I could pretend that my life is super great and perfect - but, I would be pretending. My life is... complex (so many details that are not clear to me) and simple (not easy, but simple). It is also my life. I own it. Even though sometimes I feel as though my heart has lept out of my chest and I am alone wandering for it...my own version of Layli and Majnun - in search of a deeper faith than already exists, one that burns me away (maybe that is why I have such a love and appreciation for moths).
My life is happy. I am happy. It is a deep flowing river that saves me and washes me, and at times drowns the parts of me that need to be washed away...
(Paraphrased)
Her: You are not dark.
Me: No, I know. But, I am attracted to it... like I can't fully let go of the parts of me that are.
Her: You are not dark... you are not dark.
Me: Maybe. But, then, why him? Why did I love him, and then ...
Her: You are growing and before it got too dangerous, you let him go. You let it go because you saw it, and it didn't consume you.
(I see it in her eyes... a profound personal and universal love, affection and stunning care. I can't say that this is why I love her...I don't think I have a choice in the matter anymore. She is family (above and beyond the meaning of family), she is friend (among the truest I have ever witnessed), she is a breath when I haven't breathed, she knows why my hand goes to my chest for affirmation (I never had to tell her why - she knows), she is some one I would (without thought) dive into hell for to save (not that I would need to).
Me: Yeah, maybe.
Her: You're stronger than you think.
Me: Only because I have to be.
Her: This time it was for you. That means more than you know.
Patience and equanimity... yes. I want that. I want many things, but let's start with that, now.
1 comment:
why let go of love if its something you want. why not allow it to consume you as it has already consumed him too. love isn't fear. love is growth. you. me. we both grow. why not together.
sorry this particular post had me thinking about my own life and my own situation. thank you for sharing yours.
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